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True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love. …Yet most couples never truly listen to each other. M. Scott Peck
Can you sit with all of these when your partner has their buttons pushed?
Responses to an emotionally charged connector or pursuer could sound like:
Eg “You get controlling when you get angry” (Unhelpful)“I can feel controlled and close down if you get worked up too much.” (Less triggering).
Eg “Whenever we talk, you just get angry.” (Unhelpful)“I struggle to cope with anger, and find it easiest if I just back off.” (More owning).
Eg “You’re just not reasonable, and have these crazy emotional reactions.” (Triggering)“I find it difficult to talk with you if you’re very emotional.” (More constructive, less judgemental).